I hope you’re all enjoying your Spring Break/SXSW nerdfest. I’ve been holed up in my house bird watching and working on my bird puzzle and realizing that when I’m 80, I’ll have nothing to do, besides volunteering at polling places and forgetting to feed my dozens of rescue cats.
Needless to say I’ve had ample time to think of the state of the world (bad) and the state of my personal affairs (worse). So I hate to burden you with this but we are, how shall I put this, so screwed. Biden is trailing Trump; Trump is making fun of Biden’s speech impediment (HA HA STUTTERING IS FUNNY); Putin wants to drop the bomb; and the majority of this country is getting even dumber.
Seriously. Look around you. For every seemingly normal person you see, there are at least two people wearing MAGA hats and bedazzled EVERYTHING.
But closer to home, we have our honorary twice baked potato Attorney General Ken Paxton, who gets his kicks by making Texas look even worse than Alabama or [fill in the blank, there are plenty].
You know, you would think it would be enough for Paxton to find someone outside of his marriage who actually agreed to have sex with him (voluntarily, I might add) but now he wants to shut down Annunciation House, an El Paso-based Catholic nonprofit. Or that’s what they say they are. For all we know, they’re running an illegal casino and selling Keno cards in the basement.
In February, Paxton was looking to subpoena the shelter director, conduct an investigation, and then shut it down because it provides much needed services to migrants, immigrants, and refugees. Like Jesus ever helped the less fortunate. If biblical history is correct, he actually filed lawsuits against lepers begging on the street for blocking his path.
However, last week a state judge blocked Paxton’s attempts to access the organization’s classified documents which were being held in the bathroom next to the gilded toilet.
What in God’s name is he hoping to find in those documents, which have no doubt already been shredded by corrupt volunteers? The confessional logs? The secret recipe for the communion hosts? Because I tried to crack that code in 7th grade and received one week’s detention scrubbing the church pews with a toothbrush.
The AG’s office has accused Annunciation House of “engaging in the business of human smuggling,” operating an “illegal stash house” and encouraging immigrants to enter the country illegally. Many of these anti-immigration initiatives stem from Greg Abbott’s Operation Lone Star project, which is also referred to as a total “money suck.”
Incidentally, Texas is offering a $5,000 reward to concerned citizens with any information on someone who may or may not be operating a stash house. I’ve already called the hotline like 15 times to rat out my neighbors but nothing’s happened. Mostly because they aren’t harboring migrants. And now I’m persona non grata at neighborhood potlucks.
This is the perfect time to once again point out that the governor calls himself Catholic. I imagine when he arrives at the pearly gates, St. Peter will tell him that he’s destined to spend the rest of his days in Operation Eternal Damnation. With Ken Paxton.
Luckily my spot in heaven has been secured so I look forward to heckling them when I’m not haunting my archnemeses back on earth. (There are several.)