Paxton and the Giant Impeach

An attorney general's fall from disgrace.

Over the weekend, the Texas House of Representatives voted to impeach the finest attorney general this state has ever seen, Ken Paxton. The historic vote was 121-23, which means there are actually 23 elected officials who either believe he’s innocent or are still waiting on that political favor before the clock runs out.

Naturally Paxton had no intention of going down quietly, holding a self-serving press conference and accusing House Speaker Dade Phelan of being drunk while in session. Well, Phelan may have been drunk, but you’re a criminal, and he’ll be sober in the morning. (Sick burn. Up top.)

The House has filed 20 articles of impeachment against Paxton. TWENTY. For comparison, Bill Clinton faced two articles of impeachment, as did Trump. Paxton has TWENTY. How much of a clown do you have to be for former collegues to file 20 articles of impeachment against you? It’s like, at that point, they were just piling on for fun.

This is a long time coming. Paxton has been under indictment since 2015 for a number of shady practices including fraud, misusing his office, granting favors to political donors, stealing pens, and making babies cry just by looking at them.

Meanwhile Paxton’s wife, Angela Paxton of the Indicted Paxtons, serves in the Senate, which will be conducting the Trial of the Century. It could get ugly.

The AP reported that in 2018 Paxton told his staff that he’d had an affair with a woman whom he later recommended for a job with a wealthy donor. I kind of think he’s lying because I don’t think even his wife would have an affair with him.

Despite all of this, Paxton still has his supporters like, say, the little-known Young Conservative Federation, which apparently does not believe in end punctuation.

Ken Paxton as an extra in Night at the Museum.

What IS this? Let me rephrase. What IS this? Waterloo? The Alamo? The poor man’s Hamilton? I asked ChatGPT and it was like, does not compute. And then it told me to stop asking about whatever happened to my 8th grade crush.