Happy Wednesday. The Texas Lege is now in session. Expect great things.
President Biden visited the border in El Paso on Sunday, mostly for fun (the zoo, the National Border Patrol Museum, Playland amusement park) but also to evaluate border security and hopefully learn the name of the next location that innocent migrant children would be shipped off to.
As you can imagine, Abbott was quite the statesman, immediately accusing the president of failing to enforce immigration laws and inferring that his visit was merely a series of organized photo ops in a “carefully stage-managed version of El Paso.”
Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? Abbott is KING of the photo op. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Abbott traveling without a personal green screen and a creepy frozen smile on his face.
In a tweet, Abbott said he “hand-delivered” a letter to Biden saying that his visit is “$20 billion too little & 2 years too late.” Seriously? A letter? Like instead of having a discussion, you hand the president a sticky note? This isn’t 7th grade where a boy you like hands you a note that says, “Stop telling people I’m your boyfriend.”
Needless to say, I took it upon myself to run Abbot’s signature through a sophisticated signature analysis tool I keep in my garage and, not surprisingly, it came back as “overall very bad person.” (I also ran my signature and discovered that I am “awesome.”)
To be fair, and I am nothing if not fair, Biden’s immigration plan or lack thereof is being slammed by both sides of the aisle. Luckily we have a strong speaker in Kevin McCarthy who will no doubt pass bipartisan immigration legislation as long as Matt Gaetz doesn’t keep inexplicably throwing red cards around.
Abbott consistently refers to an “invasion” when discussing the immigrant untouchables and asylum seeking whiners. I mean, it’s their own fault that they weren’t born here. Abbott boasts that Texas has bused more than 16,300 migrants to sanctuary cities for a cool $20 million. That’s so Catholic of him. We all know Jesus hated migrants.
Just to give you an idea of how laughable Abbott’s border wall is, a conservative construction firm named Fisher Sand & Gravel was awarded a contract to build part of it, as reported in detail by the Texas Observer. The man behind the project was Tommy Fisher, whose firm built a fence in South Texas which turned out to be part of a crowdfunding scheme.
Well that’s just great. We already have to deal with bogus campaigns on GoFundMe like little brats who want to set up a lemonade stand which neighbors will ignore while walking by. Actually, setting up lemonade stands along the border would most likely prove more effective, not to mention refreshing. (And, yes. The firm really did use GoFundMe.)
The scheme was called We Build the Wall, which involved building a 3-mile steel fence that is now at risk of collapsing into the Rio Grande. They should’ve called the campaign something catchier like We Built the Wall to Sink the Rio Grande.
So while Abbott blames Biden for failing to secure the border and arranging photo ops featuring his omnipresent aviators, the governor partnered with a construction firm that faced multiple lawsuits resulting in guilty pleas and an indictment for none other than Steve Bannon.
In case you don’t remember Bannon, he’s that alien lizard disguised in human skin who comes to earth because he needs to eat children to survive. That guy.
In 2021, Abbott announced that the border wall would cost $250 million to be funded by state revenue and, hopefully, donations. DONATIONS. As a concerned Texan, I just pledged $5 paired with a strongly worded letter, and hand delivered it to the governor’s office.
I’d respond to that reply, but it wasn’t printed out and hand delivered.
Why wouldn't Biden just stop in El Paso long enough to go to Whataburger and the Luchese Outlet like everyone else?