Say Hello to My Little Pen
The comeback 78-year-old kid, executive orders & sequels.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t watch the inauguration on Monday but I had to do SOMETHING to get my mind off of the fact that our heater stopped working in 20-degree weather. I felt like Bob Cratchit begging for another piece of coal from George C. Scott.
But before we touch on the flurry of mean-spirited executive orders that will undermine democracy as we know/knew it, can we get this first lady fashion out of the way? What is this OUTFIT? I half expected Melania to be carrying an umbrella that had a talking parrot at the end.
As I watched Trump’s second inaugural speech, which confirmed my belief that the sequel is never as good as the original unless we’re talking about “Rocky II,” I questioned whether this was really happening. It’s the same eerie feeling I get when I don’t see any of my neighbors outside so I automatically assume I’ve been left behind by The Rapture, which is so unfair since I’m much better than my neighbors.
One of the first things Trump reflected upon in his speech was, of course, his near brush with death and subsequent resurrection.
“Many people thought it was impossible for me to stage such a historic political comeback. But as you see today, here I am. The American people have spoken. Those who wish to stop our cause have tried to take my freedom and indeed to take my life. I felt then, and believe even more so now, that my life was saved for a reason. I was saved by God to make America great again.”
Wow. Just, wow. The only reason God saves execrable felons like Trump is to TEST US. We are being TESTED. And as someone who’s been tested many times, as I am a woman of profound strength, this is the test to end all tests. Like you know that dream where you’re back in high school and you have to take some calculus test that you never studied for plus you’re completely naked? That kind of test.
God didn’t save Trump and his freakishly long earlobe to make America great again. He wanted to make us think again. And suffer. Thinking always leads to suffering unless it’s a revenge fantasy. There’s nothing like a good revenge fantasy.
After wrapping up his speech with an announcement that we will now be using crypto as the national currency, he walked to the Oval Office to gleefully sign something like 500 executive orders. From getting rid of birthright citizenship (which is actually enshrined in the Constitution) to pardoning January 6 patriot/terrorists (120 from Texas, hooray!) he had a blast. At times, he had to ask what he was signing. He probably signed away Tiffany. No great loss.
Every morning I skim the headlines. And then I immediately text them to friends and family with nauseous emoji followed by puke emoji. No one appreciates this insightful commentary because apparently they’re all trying to “live their lives” and “ignore me.” Oh, really? Because my text thread is inundated with chats about hot flashes, kitchen lighting, and where to go to happy hour without Eileen knowing. (Monsters.)
At least I’ll know when the roving militias are coming to lock us into Silos, like that Apple TV+ series that I haven’t watched because like I can afford Apple TV+.
The struggle is real.
I am so sorry your heater went out. May I suggest you move to Los Angeles where you don’t really need a heater especially with all the fires burning, but luckily not near me.
Also how do you know if you’re better than your neighbors? I mean I’m certain you are, I just wondered what criteria you used to determine that? One of my neighbors is a University math professor. I know I’m probably not better than her.
As to the First Lady’s outfit I think it had two purposes. One to say I’m a serious bitch don’t mess with me, and the hat kept her husband’s kiss away from her face and it hid her eyes so that we couldn’t see her negative scornful looks at him or anyone else.
I am so sorry 120 of the violent terrorists are from Texas although you have a lot more than that already there, so you probably won’t notice the influx.
As to why God saved him I think it is so that bloggers, reporters, and writers (and comedians) can have plenty of material for the next four years. Four years of material is quite a blessing really!
I also think although God is not a vindictive sort, but church attendance has markedly dropped and this decline is largely attributed to a rise in people with no religious affiliation. “ Take that you nonbelievers” God uttered‼️
And now I want to take this time to remind you that I think you’re very funny and very smart. I’m not even going to get into “good looking” since I am not gay. But with more men like Trump and his dudes, lesbian status is looking better all the time.
That outfit might be more appropriate for a funeral. So, maybe it was appropriate after all. 😜