Me Talk Pretty One Day

On weak women & even weaker language.

Usually when I’m reading the NY Times, I skip over the editorial section because if I wanted to read some smug know-nothing spouting out senseless drivel, I’d just read my own newsletter. (Up top.)

But when I came across this eye-popping op-ed, “How Women’s Weak Language Is a Source of Strength,” I thought, weak language? Does not compute.

Per Adam Grant:

“Stop using weak language.” If you’re a woman, you’ve probably gotten this advice from a mentor, a coach or a teacher. If you want to be heard, use more forceful language…

This advice may be well intentioned, but it’s misguided. Disclaimers (I might be wrong, but …), hedges (maybe, sort of), and tag questions (don’t you think?) can be a strategic advantage. So-called weak language is an unappreciated source of strength.

I might be wrong, but don’t you think this is maybe sort of belittling? (See what I did there?) First of all, this was written by a man. Admittedly a very accomplished man, being an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School of blah blah blah. However I am also very accomplished, what with my Master’s in Journalism and one-time Best Blog award from the Austin Chronicle, circa 2006.

Apparently studies have shown that women who employ the use of weak language are more likely to get raises especially if their request sounds tentative, such as “I don’t know” and “I hope.” As someone who has never personally gotten a raise, perhaps this is true. In retrospect I suppose softer language could have served me better than barging into someone’s office and demanding more than $32K a year.

The study also found that women were more likely to get a raise or promotion if they “reinforced the supervisor’s authority and avoided the impression of arrogance.” Should they also bring in homemade brownies and sit on his lap?

Gender stereotypes continue to dominate the workplace, as men are expected to be “dominant and assertive” while women should be “kind and caring” as opposed to being perceived as “forceful, controlling, commanding and outspoken.” It’s also good to say “I’m no expert but.” As in, “I’m no expert but I can see your tiny little man brain is easily manipulated by my weak and tentative language.”

Ever heard this one? “What’s the difference between being assertive and being aggressive? Your gender.” Ever heard this one? “What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less person.” Much funnier. And yet, sad.

A man who issues orders is known as tough and hard-charging. A woman who speaks authoritatively still gets branded as a self-centered shrew.

This reminds me of that whole “likable” thing that basically torpedoed Hillary’s presidential campaign and YES I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT EVERY DAY IF NOT EVERY WAKING HOUR. I mean, would she have won if she had baby talked her way up the corporate ladder like Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl”? And then she got that corner office and Harrison Ford?!

I’m no expert but, yeah, maybe.