Caucus Blocked

On Iowa voters, undecideds, Moonlighting & hot mics.

So my daughter’s 10th birthday was earlier this week. She was complaining about getting older and I was all, wait until you’re a stressed out 35-year-old mom like me. You think it’s easy trying to get to yoga in between coffees and school pick-up?

In case you missed it, last night was TV at its finest. While I was watching Moonlighting on Hulu (with ads, I’m not made of money), there was a Republican debate/screeching match going on between DeSantis and Haley. At the same time Trump, or at least his hologram, was appearing at a town hall meeting on Fox News.

It was like, OH MY GOD HOW CAN I WATCH BOTH while also watching the playful banter between Maddie and David so I decided to watch neither. I figured I could catch up by tuning into CNN’s panel of carefully selected “undecided” Republican voters in Iowa. Come on. They’re not undecided. They’re publicity hounds.

Iowa Republicans. Except that dude with the beard. Clearly he’s in the wrong group.

After asking the hounds who won the debate, moderator Gary Tuchman, who has obviously killed Frank Luntz, realized that two hadn’t voted. 4 votes for DeSantis. 4 votes for Haley. There are 10 voters. There are two unaccounted for. This is like the riddle of the Sphinx.

The two unaccounted guys said that Trump won the debate. Seriously, aren’t these people screened? Some of the voters said they’re undecided between Trump and DeSantis but are hoping for “a sign” between now and the Monday caucuses.

(Incidentally why do we take our cues from disgruntled caucus-going pig farmers wearing overalls? The last time I wore overalls I was in grad school and they were cute. Or I thought they were cute. Now I understand why they put me in print journalism.)

But the best part of the panel was the boom mic that kept getting in the way. I just wish it had hit someone. Maybe that’s the sign.

Speaking of mics, Chris Christie announced he’s suspending his campaign which maybe would’ve been news had it not been eclipsed by the hot mic incident©. The former governor was caught saying that Haley is “going to get smoked — you and I both know it. She’s not up to this.”

This is precisely why I pat people down before talking to them.