You, Sir, Are No Robert F. Kennedy

The anti-anti-vaxxer, coerced protests and Larry David.

What is going on up in here? In my brain? I can’t be the only sucker who’s tuning into C-SPAN to watch all the Senate confirmation hearings. It’s like when I realized that I was the last of my friends still watching “The Bachelor” when they had all moved onto “The Bachelorette” and dry rosé.

On Wednesday, it was RFK, Jr.’s turn to get pummeled by unhinged Democrats, defended by morally outraged Republicans and confused by those same two or three Senators who claim to be on the fence, appear on the morning talk shows, express their concerns, and then vote for the nominee.

Mostly I wanted to see if RFK, Jr. would be escorted by any B-list anti-vaxxers like Nicki Minaj or Novak Djokovic. Unfortunately he just brought his wife Cheryl along for support. As in Cheryl Hines. As in Cheryl from “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” which I watched from beginning to end. So now I feel somehow complicit for the normalizing of this total freak show.

Don’t I wish…

I love the stand by your man bit in light of Kennedy’s sexting scandal. As Larry David would say, “Prett-ay, Prett-ay, Prett-ay Good.”

I had to mute Kennedy’s hearing several times because of his voice. That VOICE. He sounds like he’s snacking on a dying frog. Yes, I know there’s some supposed “medical” reason for it but it’s hard to feel sorry for a man who doesn’t believe in “modern medicine.” That alone should disqualify him from the position of head of HHS. Well, that and the worm.

I’ve never seen a nominee so openly combative than RFK, Jr. At one point, he looked like he was about to leap over the dais and inject Elizabeth Warren with a Covid shot. There’s a whole movement now backing him called MAHA Moms, Crunchy Moms or, as I like to refer to them, Dummy Moms. Can we please bring back soccer moms? The only annoying thing about them was the visors.

As we’ve been witnessing, this cabinet may be the worst cabinet in the history of this country. Basically someone/anyone needs to do something/anything to save democracy. While I support the cause, I doubt it’s going to be me if we’re talking about marches and protests. The only protesting I’ve ever done was coerced.

I was working for the American Heart Association which was pushing for Austin to go completely smoke-free. (You’re welcome.) So I had to stand outside a polling place in the freezing cold chanting, “What do we want?” “Smoke-free Austin!” “When do we want it?” “NOW!”

I kind of sort of not really understand the reasoning behind protesting and maybe I would attend if people could come up with catchier chants. Every protest contains the chant, “Hey hey! Ho ho! [Insert target here] has got to go!” I mean, seriously? That’s the best we can do? It’s embarrassing. It needs to be more like a flash mob, something you can dance to in an impromptu but totally planned routine.

I’m on it.