You, Sir, Are No Kennedy Democrat

On RFK Jr., bioweapons, Two Princes & Larry David.

My mother’s side of the family was what you’d call Kennedy Democrats. Good Boston Irish Catholics who hung up their pictures of JFK right next to the Pope’s (a little higher, if we’re being honest). In fact, they held the Camelot dynasty in such high regard that I became convinced that I was a Kennedy, given my superior lineage and movie star looks. Plus, I’m a pro at those casual touch football games we played on the compound when the cameras were on.

So as a distant relative who’s not yet recognized as a legal heir, I feel uniquely qualified to speak for the family when I say, RFK Jr. is no Bobby Kennedy. And the fact that he’s running for president is an embarrassment to the family name. (Even more so than that GEORGE magazine.) I mean, the man has aligned himself with Twitter sociopath Elon Musk and Jack Dorsey, Twitter co-founder and one-time ski hat wearing member of the Spin Doctors.

May or may not be Jack Dorsey.

You might know Kennedy as an “environmentalist” but he’s really just your average run-of-the-mill anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist. I thought anti-vaxxers were pretty much gone after Covid but apparently it was really a “bioweapons problem” disguised as a “virus.” Kennedy’s like Jenny McCarthy but without the antics of Jim Carrey. Also, not as blond.

Kennedy chose to appear on Twitter Spaces with Musk since it went so well for Ron DeSantis. He shared his views on both foreign policy and domestic, from looking at the war in Ukraine from “the perspective of Russians” and blaming pharmaceutical drugs for mass shootings. In other words, Russian troops are all on Lexapro. Called it.

Kennedy is also the founder of the Children’s Defense Fund, which makes In the Pink look like a credible source of information. Their videos have titles like “Engineered Insects,” “Sustainable Slavery: The UN & Digital ID,” and my personal favorite, “Canadian Doctors Testify.” Seriously? Canadian doctors? They couldn’t get any American doctors?

May or may not be that dude from Ladyhawke.

And why is Cheryl from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” married to this guy? Although she was always my least favorite on the show and I was glad when she and Larry split up. Now she’s Ted Danson’s problem.

However Kennedy somehow continues to poll in the double digits against Biden. Maybe that shouldn’t be a huge surprise concerning the number of voters who are watching Biden like he’s the next Ruth Bader Ginsburg and haven’t seen Kamala since the swearing-in ceremony.

Anyway if you want someone besides Biden, at least pick a candidate who believes in science and the electoral process. And isn’t sullying my Kennedy name.