Voting for Dummies
Shame, flash mobs, primary colors & Sid Miller.
I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just go ahead and say it.
I didn’t vote yesterday.
GO AHEAD PUT ME IN THE STOCKS AND THROW TOMATOES AT ME.
I made a rookie mistake and I am no rookie. For some reason, I had it in my head that the polls closed at 8pm. I had taken my daughter to her bouldering class at 5pm and got in my car at 7pm. I called my husband and he said, uh, I guess you’re not voting. I broke into a cold sweat, ordered him to check his facts, and told my daughter that this was all her fault.
Earlier yesterday when I picked her up from school, she asked me if people were legally required to vote. I said no, but that it was your civic duty and if you don’t vote then you’re chipping away at democracy itself. It’s a responsiblity not to be taken lightly, which is why I decided to vote for whoever the Austin Chronicle endorsed.
You have to believe me when I say I always vote. And I prefer voting on Election Day because I imagine myself being at the polls and leading a flash mob dancing to “R.O.C.K. in the USA!”
As for the Texas primaries, well, that’s a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Like Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller.
What even is this? Microsoft Paint is the best our state officials can do? What a tool. Apparently Tool Season has also been extended. Indefinitely.
Miller was giving an interview yesterday from his truck to some conservative freakshow, and I don’t want to call him an idiot but, look at this idiot.
What is he doing? Is his ten-gallon hat freakishly small or is that steering wheel freakishly large? He’s like the scariest school bus driver ever.
In today’s column from the Texas Tribune, the always insightful Karen Brooks Harper opens with, “Texas voters handed more power to the insurgent wing of the Republican Party in an expensive and vengeful primary election, punishing GOP lawmakers, judges and a House speaker who defied hard-right state leaders and their supporters in recent years.”
So then I got depressed and texted Karen and thanked her for ruining my day. (Truth be told my day was already ruined. I had to get a filling so I’ve been drooling down the numbed right side of my face for the better part of the afternoon.)
Unfortunately Karen speaketh the truth. One of the key primary races was over the reelection of Speaker Dade Phelan. Now he’s been forced into a runoff with Ken Paxton-backed David Covey. It’s no surprise that the mealy-mouthed AG, joined by far-right conservatives and the entire National Mealy-Mouthed Federation, wants to oust Phelan for following the law and allowing impeachment proceedings to go forward.
Paxton wasn’t the only one who had a good night. Greg Abbott managed to also toss out some incumbents who voted against his school voucher program. I haven’t seen this much vengeance since high school cheerleading tryouts. And those were UGLY.
At least Colin Allred—who I was going to vote for—is headed to the general election against Ted Cruz. Some polls even have them tied. I know that doesn’t sound very authoritative but I conducted a thorough Bing search so back off.
I may have missed my chance to vote for Allred but I have contributed to his campaign. And if he loses, I want my five bucks back.
Fake news Eileen. The polls have ended at 7 PM in Texas forever. I didn’t Google it but it’s forever trust me. The precinct conventions have always started shortly after. It is possible you have found the people running for office so icky that your mind made you miss it. Please don’t miss the General 🧡
For the first time in my life, I voted in the Republican primary. “”Today, I’m a Republican,” I announced loudly to the young woman who checked my I.d. Simultaneously, I rolled my eyes upward with so much vigor I almost passed out. Think we had a meeting of the minds.
As it turns out, I didn’t pick one winner of the least-egregious category. But I like to think I didn’t abase myself.
Anyway, at least I voted!