Uncle Joe's State of the Union
Liars, potty mouths, dogs, canaries & Arkansas governors.
I FINALLY got power last night, just in time for me to realize that I still had no internet and would not be able to watch the State of the Union. I started panicking until I realized that there’s something on an iPhone called a “personal hotspot” that can work when your “wifi” isn’t working. I can only hope that this rogue signal doesn’t end up summoning back the Great Balloon of China. Either way, it’s exciting.
Last night Uncle Joe was more Uncle Joe than he’s been in a long time—folksy, empathetic, funny, devastatingly handsome. That’s the good news. The bad news is that we had to look at the monstrosity that is known as MTG:
We already know that she’s a complete sociopath who should be housed in a Russian gulag if they’ll have her but do we really need to see her wrapped unceremoniously in a dead Bichon Frise? Greene yelled “Liar!” at Biden more than once, which is apparently her idea of congressional decorum. I’m surprised she didn’t heckle the parents of Tyre Nichols.
Luckily Biden gave as good as he got, yelling right back at her, “YOU PSYCHO.” That received the only bipartisan standing ovation of the night. Some Republicans shouted “Bullshit!” as the night progressed and still others yelled, “I LOVE YOU JOE.” Fine. That was me.
To be fair, I must mention Sen. Kyrsten Sinema’s dress as well in that it was totally inappropriate and hideous. But at least her dress was cruelty-free, as far as we know. There might be a sacrificed canary or two in those sleeves.
But the question on everyone’s mind, including mine if my attempts to declutter it are finally successful, is, can he run again? Can he win again? Look, I don’t want a president who’s older than Angela Lansbury (and she’s dead) but if he’s the only Democrat who can win, sign me up.
Anyway everyone knows that SOTU is just a warm-up for the more star-studded event of the night, the opposition party’s response featuring the joyless Sarah Huckabee Sanders turned joyless governor of Arkansas. The typical response setting looks like an AA basement with one swinging lightbulb. Sanders, however, spoke from the governor’s mansion, which is to say an AA basement with one swinging lightbulb.
Sanders basically performed as she did when she was Trump’s press secretary, which is to say perma-scowling and saying nothing of consequence. She was at her best when she referred to Biden as “the first man to surrender his presidency to a woke mob that can’t even tell you what a woman is.”
Sickest burn ever. Now whether that came from a man or a woman, I couldn’t tell you.
Subscribe now to save the bichon frise.