The Rocky Horror Picture Show

The mug shot heard round the world.

Your worst nightmare.

This is, honestly, one of the worst mug shots I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen my fair share. Where do I start? It’s like a poor man’s composite of Boris Johnson, Nick Nolte and Lloyd Bridges combined. This man was our PRESIDENT. And now he has a MUG SHOT. And it’s not even ATTRACTIVE.

This is a man who commissions portraits of himself and gifts them to people who then have yet another wall hanging to hide in their closets, along with the classic bar sign, “I’d Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy!” (Yes, that was in my house growing up. Yes, I still have it.)

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than that hair.

As someone who has gifted several portraits of herself as Christmas presents to close friends and family, as well as mere acquaintances, I see nothing wrong with it. I mean, not everyone should do it. For example, ugly people.

I wasn’t sure I could rock the whole “Christian country singer” look at this wig party I attended but when I told the woman that I’d prefer one matching my real hair color she said they were all sold out of “dishwater blond streaked with unsightly gray.”

But let’s get serious. Does Donald Trump really deserve another term in the White House? Dude should be in the Big House. (Up top.) Apparently to some people, the answer is yes. A thousand times yes.

His campaign netted more than $7 million in fundraising after he was booked. His supporters liked him MORE after Thursday than LESS. I don’t know about you but mug shots are kind of a dealbreaker. But then I don’t know what the singles scene is like these days.

Not surprisingly, they raised the majority of funds through tacky merchandise. Because nothing says presidential more than selling cheap t-shirts and bumper stickers with your mug shot on them.

I’ll never drink coffee again.