The Hand That Rocks the Kerrville
Voter fraud, prayer gardens & hand tallying.
If you’re like me, Kerr County, TX never really crosses your mind. In fact, I don’t know if I ever knew it was a county. Anyway counties are almost as boring as municipalities.
But what’s happening in Kerr County is going to rock your world. Aside from being a great place to catch rabies (true) and to visit the Coming King Sculpture Prayer Gardens (also true), Kerr holds democracy in its little Hill Country hands.
You see, a Republican County Commissioner named Rich Paces is on a sacred mission to get rid of electronic voting equipment in favor of hand counting all ballots. Because of rampant voter fraud. Naturally. I’m not sure why he would support such a change since the only Democrat left in Kerr County mysteriously “vanished” on the banks of the Guadalupe River a couple years ago.
So far the effort has failed. But once Jesus takes a break from washing the feet of Kerrville county residents in the prayer gardens, he’s expected to side with Paces.
Here’s the thing. As a rule, I don’t trust people. And I certainly don’t trust people counting my vote. Have you seen people’s hands these days? They shake. They sweat. They’re mangled. They’re unsightly. And those are just mine. (Up top.)
So Paces doesn’t trust technology but he does trust those octogenarian Cocoon ladies and tiny arthritic bird hands to count the ballots. And just look at this cast of characters he’s listening to:
What IS this? Who ARE these people?
Actually there is one celebrity in the group. No, not that one. Or that one. It’s Tina Peters, the “brave public servant who blew the whistle on Dominion!” Tina is that former county clerk in Mesa, Colorado who was indicted in a breach of the county election system in 2020.
The celebrated election denier and Trump supporter was also convicted of a misdemeanor obstruction after being detained by officers at a cafe last year for “actively resisting” a warrant for her iPad. Peters was sentenced to four months of home detention, 120 hours of community service, and an ankle monitor.
Nothing says public servant like an ankle monitor.
Then there’s Lori Gallagher, who apparently knows the Ch. 65 method of hand tallying. Lori doesn’t get out much. But MAN, can she tally.
And I’ve got to say, I’d be pretty pissed if I were Jarrett Woodward, Citizen Auditor. His bio calls him a “regular nobody.” That’s just wrong. If I know Jarrett Woodward, and I absolutely do not, he is not a regular nobody. He’s a special nobody.