The Good Book

Teaching the Bible with Great Expectations.

I watched the World Cup final on Sunday and was initially rooting for Messi and Argentina before realizing that the Argentinian team was one foul short of brandishing butterfly knives on the field. Also, Messi touched the ball maybe once before deciding that walking around aimlessly was a better look. I almost felt bad for him before finding out that the GOAT has a net worth of $1.1 billion. Don’t cry for me, Argentina. (Up top.)

Since my daughter will be attending public school this fall (like I can afford boarding school), I wanted to make sure I’m dutifully informed about the academics, especially the SBOE-approved reading list. I’m pleased to report that she will be reading the Old Testament and going on a class field trip to Mount Sinai on an Ark of the Covenant expedition. Yes, we all know that the Ten Commandments are crated up in a nondescript government warehouse but it beats The Alamo.

The NYT published the reading list for Texas public schools and there are some classics sandwiched in between the Beatitudes and the five Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Mary Magdelene. Surprisingly enough, the list isn’t as archaic as I would’ve thought. And teachers will be allowed to assign other books as well. (Wink.)

This year’s middle school and high school books include Animal Farm, Hamlet, The Raven, Great Expectations, The Inferno, Pride and Prejudice and The Scarlet Letter, as well as The Gettysburg Address and I’ve Been to the Mountain Top. Luckily, those two liberal speeches are balanced out by Margaret Thatcher’s Eulogy for President Reagan and Ayn Rand, among others.

If you really want to know what’s up, check out the 1,000+ comments featured in the Times article. Many start with “I have a masters (sic) degree in English Literature” or “As a literacy professor…” “As a teacher with an MA in reading and literacy…” and “As an astronaut surgeon swimsuit model with six Ph.Ds. and a Nobel Peace Prize…”

One glaring omission from the list, however, is The Great Gatsby. I love The Great Gatsby, despite the text being bastardized by two movies. But then, I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.

I’ll leave you with one of the most bizarre reader comments.

I know several parents who decided to home school their children or send them to religious schools because there wasn’t enough religion being taught in public schools. The outcome wasn’t good. Of ten people that went the home school route:

· Two of the young ladies had children out of wedlock.

· Four of the young ladies were Sex content creators.

· They were into bondage, etc.

· Two of the young ladies went to college and lasted a year. I think one is working at Starbucks and the other at Dollar General.

· The two young men, one made it through college majored in history. He graduated with a gentleman’s C and is wrapping medical equipment for about 45K.

· The other young man didn’t graduate and is working at a rental place, that rents fork lifts, etc. I think he is making about $12. per hour.

First of all, I counted 11 kids. Secondly, is there supposed to be some sort of lesson here? Like, if kids in public school learn about the very real story of Jonah living inside a whale, they’ll end up becoming single moms employed in the online porn industry and operating heavy machinery to make ends meet? Next you’ll tell me they’re writing Substack newsletters in their spare time.