The Gaetz of Wrath

The vote, the speaker & the Irish goodbye.

I attended a wedding over the weekend in Houston and, at this point in my life, I’m most interested in two things: the cake and the open bar. Some people turn their noses up at wedding cake but since I’m partial to HEB sheet cake, I’m usually pretty content. So content, in fact, that I steal pieces off other tables while the other guests are dancing to “Uptown Funk.”

A wedding is a perfect time to employ the Irish goodbye, the ideal way to to vacate the premises without being noticed. This can be accomplished by telling people you’ll be “right back” and then leaving. (Depending on the situation, you may have to be ready to army crawl.)

I believe this goodbye was most likely invented by my great-grandfather, who told his wife he was leaving to buy a pack of cigarettes and then never came back.

But enough about my questionable lineage. Something much more important is happening in our nation’s capital. It’s Rep. Matt Gaetz and his motion to remove Kevin McCarthy as speaker. For his part, McCarthy plans to call a vote later today. LIKE NOW.

It’s a veritable shitshow, which means it’s really fun to watch. Personally I enjoy muting the volume and making up voices for the members, typically in cockney dialect or Minnesota accents.

McCarthy can try to kill the resolution by tabling it. He can also recruit Democrats to help him but they all hate him because he’s so hateable. But is anyone more hateable than Gaetz?

Gaetz’s motion marks only the third time in 234 years that a House speaker has faced a motion to vacate. As you no doubt learned in your AP congressional history class, Joseph Cannon was speaker during the Teddy Roosevelt presidency and ruled with an iron fist. The Cannon House Office Building was named after him. He haunts it still.

This is either Joseph Cannon or my great-grandfather.

Another option that hasn’t been fully explored in the media, of course, is the Irish goodbye. It’s classy, it’s quick and it’s easy. All eyes on McCarthy if he leaves the floor for a pack of cigarettes.