The Big Snore
Trump, his minions, honorable mentions and family relations.
Looks like Republicans have been grabbed by the pussy. Again.
Trump announced his third run for president last night at Mar-a-Lago and all the major networks (and I do mean all) cut away while he was still speaking because it was that boring. I think I saw Anderson Cooper nod off more than once, followed by a full face plant on the commentator dais. Personally I haven’t been this bored since I reported for a suburban daily outside Chicago covering the park district beat. THIS JUST IN. THE DOGGIE WATER FOUNTAIN HAS BEEN APPROVED 6-1.
The former president/still president/never-left president/hopeful president exhibited zero energy, as if he knows this is a lost cause but he’s staying in it for Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose enduring infatuation with him is, how do I put this, vomit fodder.
You know who skipped his announcement? Ivanka. IVANKA. When your own daughter decides she’d rather spend a night at home with her bratty kids, you know things are bad. I mean, if I had a family member running for president, I’d show up. As long as they promised me Secretary of State.
I had to watch his speech on my laptop because my daughter was watching Cupcake & Dino and if you’ve never seen that show, it’s totally weird, totally entertaining.
Not even my husband would watch it with me. He was also watching Cupcake & Dino.
Meanwhile the Washington Post has a ranked list of potential Republican candidates. (See you in 2028.)
Ron “DeSucky”© DeSantis
Donald Trump
Mike Pence
Gov. Glenn Youngkin (VA)
Sen. Tim Scott (SC)
Ted Cruz
Nikki Haley
Mike Pompeo
Gov. Chris Sununu (NH)
Sen. Rick Scott (FL)
Their “honorable mentions” go to Marco Rubio, Sen. Josh Hawley (MO), Sen. Tom Cotton (AR), Liz Cheney, Gov. Asa Hutchinson (AR), Gov. Kristi Noem (SD), former Gov. Larry Hogan (MD), Greg Abbott, Chris Christie and Donald Trump, Jr.
So let’s say that a Republican relative at Thanksgiving started one of those roundtable discussions after a friendly game of “Trivial Pursuit: The 1980s” edition turned violent. If you had to pick three of these Republicans, who would they be? After thoughtfully sipping my sixth glass of cabernet, I’d begrudgingly choose Chris Sununu, Larry Hogan and…Liz Cheney.
But let’s be real. We could very well have a 2024 presidential election pitting a 78-year-old white guy against an 81-year-old (almost 82) white guy. Granted, one is a complete sociopath/psychopath. I’ve never really understood the difference. Except I’m pretty sure that to qualify as a psychopath, you have to hate dogs. Donald Trump has never owned a dog.
That said, I’ve created a helpful “honorable mentions” list for the Democrats. Kamala, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (MI), Rep. Eric Swalwell (CA), Amy Klobuchar, Gov. JB Pritzker (IL), Sen. Sherrod Brown (OH), Cory Booker, Sen. Jon Ossoff (GA), Rep. Elaine Luria (VA) and…Liz Cheney.
The absolute BEST was that, while he droned on and on for a freaking hour, people actually tried to leave but security wouldn't let them. Last I checked my law license, admittedly so old it's handwritten in Latin on papyrus but still, confining a person without consent or legal authority is the very definition of false imprisonment. What a douchenozzle. And also not an astronaut.
Ummmmm… maybe?
But not when I posted that. 😂