Snakes on a Plane

With love, from Qatar.

Before we start judging Trump for accepting a $400 million presidential luxury Boeing 747-8 jumbo jet gifted by the royal family of Qatar, aka the “Palace of the Sky,” perhaps we should turn inward and think of what we would do if we found ourselves in a similar situation.

Because I’m pretty tired of sitting in coach being kicked by some oversized toddler while his inattentive mother cries over Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy.

Then there are the passengers seated in the emergency exit row who are supposed to help save our lives but range from the totally disinterested to the possibly deceased.

So, yeah. I’d take that jet.

(Photo credit: Semafor/Rooms To Go)

The decor is, how do I put this, fugly. Yes, surprisingly, this is still in kids’ vernacular. My 11-year-old said it the other day and used “freaking.” I told her that she’s not in preschool anymore and should just use the actual f-word.

That said, the interior is definitely fugly. The throw pillows? The carpet? And is that a coffee table or one of those coffins you play sand shuffleboard on after funerals? (They’re more common than you think.)

Knowing little about Qatar, I conducted a thorough Bing search and the first query that came up was, “Can I have a girlfriend in Qatar?” From that question alone, I’m guessing that no, you probably can’t. Anyway, wouldn’t your girlfriend in Canada be jealous? (Up top.)

Apparently the Trump Administration is claiming that this new Air Force One is completely legal given that 1) like they care and 2) the jet will be transferred to Trump’s presidential library, conveniently located in S. Helltown, Hell.

Meanwhile, Trump has responded to critics by saying, “I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer. I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, ‘No, we don’t want a free, very expensive airplane.’ But it was — I thought it was a great gesture.”

What are you TALKING about? This isn’t a gesture. It’s a bribe. That’s like if some foreign entity offered me a bottle of wine and I’m all, “I could be a stupid person and say that I don’t want a free, very expensive bottle of pinot noir, but I thought it was a great gesture.” Then I find out they want me to kill someone for them. And I’ve already drunk half the bottle.

Burned again by the covert quid pro quo!