Ron in 60 Seconds

DeSantis, boarding school, dorm duty & milking it.

When I was in high school, I mostly had female teachers. The handful of male teachers were either part-time coaches or full-time coaches. I learned geometry from a guy in sweats who compared obtuse angles to a football field. I can’t remember any of them partying with us, mostly because I wasn’t invited to parties since I looked like I was 12. On a good day.

There was this narc who was pretty creepy. He used to hide behind bushes and jump out to scare anyone who was trying to sneak off campus to go to McDonald’s. I’m not sure that counts as partying, though. Maybe to him.

But then there’s Ron DeSantis, who taught at Darlington Boarding School in Georgia in between Yale and Harvard Law (real man of the people). Last week Trump insinuated that DeSantis had behaved “inappropriately” with the high school girls there, citing a NY Times article that quoted several of his former students saying he regularly attended their parties.

(Now, why a known sexual predator like Trump would accuse someone else of being a sexual predator is beyond me. Like, I may be a sexual predator but he is too, so better the sexual predator you know than the one you don’t.)

DeSantis was 23 years old at the time, teaching history and coaching the baseball and football teams. Although he came across as a brash Ivy League graduate, he did inspire his students to seize the day and make their lives extraordinary, to the point of going against their own father and act in Shakespearean plays. (Unfortunately that one didn’t end so well.)

Some students described him as “cocky,” “arrogant” and “smug.” Others said that in class he tried to argue that the civil war was about two economies, not so-called “slavery.” But he was best known as the teacher who hung out at high school parties. That’s not creepy at all.

Ron DeSantis as creepy teacher and future member of Hair Club for Men

“As an 18-year-old, I remember thinking, ‘What are you doing here, dude?’” one former student said. Indeed. What are you doing there, dude? Too cool for faculty Potluck Fridays?

According to the school, aside from teaching five classes and coaching sports, DeSantis did “dorm duty.” I bet he did. Pervert.

A couple students recalled a prank DeSantis pulled on another student who had “bragged about how much milk he could drink.” Milk? There are kids in high school who actually brag about chugging milk? Can you even shotgun a carton of milk?

After the humble milk brag, DeSantis challenged the boy to guzzle the milk in one sitting. Under intense pressure, the student tried before throwing up in front of his peers.

I can’t decide which is the dumbest part of this anecdote. The fact that someone’s biggest achievement in life is drinking milk, that he actually accepted a milk challenge, or that DeSantis’s idea of fun is making one of his students puke.