Portnoy's Complaint
On the manosphere, SAM, podcasters & shaming.
As you may recall, the Democrats lost the young white men vote last year. But we’re not going down without a fight. Introducing, Sam.
SAM is short for “Speaking with American Men,” perhaps the most pathetic social movement I can think of apart from “Women’s Suffrage.” I mean, is this some sort of joke? We’re not going to get anywhere just by speaking with them. This calls for some major deprogramming. Like scientology deprogramming.
The Speaking with American Men project has a $20 million budget ostensibly to “study” young white men in their natural habitats (i.e. Chili’s). This is how Democrats are trying to win them back. Through Rorschach testing and Buzzfeed quizzes.
Only 46% of young men (18 to 29 years old) voted for Harris. We’re going to need way more than $20 million to build a new human race. We have to figure out how to talk to these guys.
First, we need to find them where they are: Sports bars with half-off chicken wing Wednesdays, apartments with five other guys sharing one bathroom and too many futons, and Dunkin’.
Next, speak their language by using MAGA as a noun, verb, adjective and adverb. Make sure to belch after downing a couple PBRs because they’ll think it’s funny and it will disarm them. Ask them if they can name the 10 justices on the Supreme Court and they’ll be all, yeah, and I’ll be like, THERE ARE ONLY NINE YOU MORON. (Credit: Aaron Altman.)
This is precisely why male Democrats are an endangered species. Because of women like me.
Earlier this week I was listening to NPR Morning Edition which featured Steve Inskeep interviewing some bruh© named Dave Portnoy, founder of Barstool Sports and a popular podcaster in the manosphere©.
He practices something called Barstool conservatism, which leans slightly more to the right than your average Nantucket chair conservatism. He’s also a well-respected pizza reviewer because he’s just that much of a bruh.
You know what’s cooler than the manosphere? The WOMANosphere, where you can drink frozen swirl margaritas and talk about how despicable Republican men are while complaining about perimenopause and dishing on your Orangetheory personal trainer.
“If you told me I’d be on NPR and in a political leaning podcast like five years ago, I’d be like: You’re crazy,” he said. Hear that sound? It’s the death knell of public media.
Portnoy is your typical Morning Edition guest. Like many of the noted historians, journalists and epidemiologists that appear on the show, he’s made millions of dollars on gambling and crypto while being criticized for offensive remarks about race and women. Also, he was accused of sexual misconduct but, seriously, show me someone who hasn’t.
Portnoy once described himself as “socially liberal but fiscally conservative.” That’s the lamest and most overused description for your political beliefs. All it means is that you’re a conservative pretending to care.
Here’s how Portnoy explained his support of Trump: “I don't care if he’s a joke. I don’t care if he’s racist. I don’t care if he’s sexist. I don’t care about any of it.”
Well that’s quite the endorsement!
Portnoy said his vote for Trump was more of “an indictment of the Democrats than an endorsement of Trump’s politics,” centered around an excess of “woke politics,” and a desire to “shame” men in general.
What is with this whole “man shaming” thing? Who exactly is shaming them? You’re not being shamed, you’re being revered. Democrats have launched an entire campaign around you. Maybe you’re just not getting enough swipe rights. And that’s on you, bruh.
Portnoy says he was bothered by the feeling that he should “somehow have shame as being a white person who wants to make a lot of money and live a great life.”
I’ve haven’t heard this much whining since I lost the nomination for prom queen because I had the body of a 12-year-old boy. The shame has stayed with me. I feel betrayed, invisible, forsaken. I’m going to pull up a barstool, drink whatever’s on tap and blame everyone else but myself for my miserable life. Like the Democratic party.
🎯👏👏👏