No Country for Old Men

Yes, this is happening.

Yesterday I was enjoying my jacuzzi in my age-appropriate Lands’ End one-piece staring at the snow-capped mountain range here in Breckenridge (humble brag) when I realized I should get out and watch the first presidential debate. That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was actually watching it. President Biden shuffled unsteadily onto the stage to his podium, which took roughly 28 minutes, with a sickly pallor that can only be described as the color of day-old gruel. When Trump took the stage, he looked 20 years younger. Which is saying something.

I haven’t seen someone looking this bad since Henry Fonda in “On Golden Pond.” His stunned expression reminded me of how I look when I’m searching all over the house for my readers only to find them in my hand. (Notice I said “readers,” not progressives, aka bifocals. That will be the next step in full-on ocular humiliation.)

The pundit reaction was swift and brutal, especially in the NYT.

• Paul Krugman: “The Best President of My Adult Life Needs to Withdraw”

• Thomas Friedman: “Joe Biden is a Good Man and a Good President. He Must Bow Out of the Race”

• Frank Bruni: “Biden Cannot Go On Like This”

• Nicholas Kristof: “Biden, It’s Time to Drop Out”

• Eileen Smith: “No One Should Look Like Day-Old Gruel”

It was a terrible performance. Yes, Trump did his usual lying about everything but Biden’s appearance was what everyone noticed. And, may I point out how dreadful the moderators were. Jake Tapper and Dana Bash were like robots who never questioned or challenged anything. They just sat there waiting for the next question from ChatGPT. Clearly they’re getting too old and should step down for the sake of democracy.

Jumped the shark.

The Biden campaign’s response to his multiple fumbles was that he had a cold. Seriously? A COLD? It’s not like he was rolled out in an IRON LUNG. He had a COLD. Have they not heard of cold medicine? Vitamin B shots? Leeches?

So now everyone’s talking about how to get Biden to step aside so they can nominate someone else. I must admit that if Kamala had been standing up there, she would have KILLED Trump over Roe v. Wade and the bizarre black jobs comment. But clearly we should go with Gavin Newsom or Pete Buttigieg over Kamala. Because white men have served us so well.

There’s not much else I can say but that I’m terrified. So I’m going to go on a cool weather hike and repeat my mantra: This can’t be happening. You’ll know if it works.