My, My, My, My Sharia

Funerals, religious freedom & the conscious coupling of church and state.

This week was the memorial for Lindsey Graham. It’s unusual for the eulogy to be given by a man the deceased once called a “race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot,” but I guess his sister was busy. Sean Hannity also spoke, telling Trump that Lindsey “loved you as he loved his country” plus he was “great for ratings.” Such a lovely way to be remembered.

Oh. And JD Vance was there.

I’m not a huge fan of funerals. I find them depressing. We should honor the Irish tradition by acknowledging that the only difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake is one less drunk. Sláinte!

(I’ve used that incorrectly before. This time I had someone review it. Twice.)

But enough about funerals. We’ve got bigger problems. Like the arrival of Sharia law in Texas, as evidenced by the daily public stonings in the town square to ensure a good harvest.

Lt. Governor Dan Patrick has asked the Senate to spend their somewhat-not-really valuable time studying state law surrounding religious liberty and the rights of Texans to practice their religion “in all settings,” including schools, the workplace, churches, neighborhood potlucks and gentlemen’s clubs. Also, we need to know whether any additional protections are needed in order to combat Sharia law.

This is serious. I mean, his wife’s been covering herself head to toe in a burqa for years but I don’t think that has anything to do with Sharia. You’d cover up too if you were married to that waste of space.

Are we really saying that we need more “religious freedom”? Because Christians are so “persecuted”? How about we just display the Ten Commandments in public schools across the state? Now that would be crazy!! You know what would be even crazier? If Republicans kicked out Muslims attending the GOP convention last month! Come on, that’s outrageous!

Thank God we have a respected legal scholar leading this crusade. Patrick alleges there is no “separation of church and state” in the Constitution saying, “For too long, the anti-God left has used this phrase to suppress people of religion in our country.”

I’m not going to lie. The Anti-God Left does have a certain ring to it.

I checked my pocket-sized Constitution that I keep with me at all times and here’s a First Amendment refresher: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof blah blah blah.” (James Madison added that last part.)

That language essentially bans the government from creating or favoring any national religion. I think where Patrick gets confused is that he believes “prohibiting the free exercise thereof” only relates to his wacky form of Christianity instead of all religions, whether he likes them or not.

While he’s correct that the exact wording “separation of church and state” is not in the Constitution, you’d think that the 76-year-old’s background as a failed radio talk show host and sports bar owner would help him appreciate the inherent meaning behind the Bill of Rights.

Do you want to know two other words that don’t appear anywhere in the Constitution? “Christian” and “conservative.” You dope.