Kamala's Ode to Joy
The convention to end all conventions & the power of the jinx.
So I can’t tell you much about this week’s Democratic convention but I can tell you all about what happens in the first season of “Gilmore Girls,” because that’s what my 10-year-old was watching. I did manage to see some of it after I locked her in her room with only her iPad to keep her company. (By the way, that’s not “grounding.” That’s just “bad parenting.” And she LOVES it.)
I caught some of the highlights. Hillary (9/10). Michelle (10/10). Barack (9/10). Pete (9/10). Oprah (10/10). Whitmer (9/10). Giffords (10/10). Bill (hard pass). In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t watched Bill speak. My one-time political hero looks really old and tired now and his raspy voice made me think of strep and once I’d thought of strep, I was convinced I was coming down with it and then I was just a hot mess.
Anyway, when you haven’t seen someone in a while, you kind of expect them to be frozen in time and you feel betrayed when they look like that old lady from “Titanic.” Like when you’re at a college reunion and you’re the only one who still looks like you’re in your 30s and you’re all, Why am I surrounded by the cast of “Cocoon”?
Of course I watched Tim Walz. Who wouldn’t watch Coach Walz? So the dude doesn’t know quite what to make of a teleprompter but he speaks from that big old Minnesota heart. Don’t get me started on his family. They are one of the most adorable families I’ve ever seen, outside of “Succession.”
Obviously I watched Joe Biden’s speech Monday night but only until the first intermission. I have the deepest respect for Joe. He’s a really good man. He’s a really smart man. He’s got really great teeth. So it was sad to see him unceremoniously dumped by his party even if we all knew he shouldn’t have run again.
I mean, Nancy Pelosi orchestrating the demise of her good friend because he’s too old? You’re 84. You’re next.
I met Biden many, many, many years ago at some elitist fundraiser I snuck into and MAN he looks different. I mean, LOOK at that guy. And look at that young girl next to him! Isn’t she precious? I hear she hasn’t aged A DAY.
The night, of course, belonged to Pink and then, Kamala. The minute she walked out on stage—quite possibly, finally, the first woman president—I burst into tears. Fine. As a person who never displays much emotion and has been mistaken more than once for a cyborg, I may have only teared up. But that’s a big step for me.
This morning, one of my neighbors who still speaks to me was like, She’s got this!! And I looked at her, horrified. THANKS FOR JINXING THE ELECTION YOU COMPLETE PSYCHOPATH. Yes, I’m a firm believe in The Jinx. My whole life I’ve been careful not to say any hopes and dreams out loud because if I do, God will be like, Oh, foolish child. You still have much to learn. Your prayers will go unanswered this round.
But maybe, just maybe, possibly, please oh please, Kamala will win.