Is this Heaven? No, It's Iowa.

Stopping the steal, one reusable bag at a time.

So Trump won the Iowa caucuses, surprising absolutely no one except people who continue to have faith in humanity. Losers. And what kind of lunatic ventures out in below zero temperatures to vote? I mean, my daughter’s school opened two hours late two mornings in a row this week because it was 20 degrees, which is cold but not Iowa caucus cold. (Even so, I wore my full bib ski pants. Inside.)

Still, the caucuses weren’t without controversy. There were a couple of viral videos going around showing Iowans tossing their paper votes (mostly written on the backs of church offering envelopes) into a HyVee Supermarket grocery bag.

Teachable moment: Iowan caucus-goers learn to recycle.

I was hoping that this chaotic scene in West Des Moines (just west of Des Moines) was simply the annual number selection that dictates which unlucky villager will be stoned to death to ensure a good harvest but unfortunately, no. Although that guy in the camo American flag cap would definitely throw the first rock. Or just shoot the person.

A different photo from NPR showed a slightly more sophisticated bagging process, as this grocery bag was at least clearly labeled “Ballots” in 4-year-old chicken scratch handwriting.

This is not your average HyVee grocery bag.

And apparently this guy not only gets to collect the votes, he gets to tally them, too.

Could be the official grocery bag, could be a decoy. We’ll never know.

Aside from octogenarians and the ghost of Shoeless Joe, Trump also won the votes of half of college-educated Iowans. You know, just the other day my 10-year-old daughter was asking me if a college degree made any difference and, well, there’s your answer.

Now it’s on to the next completely unnecessary state in the union, New Hampshire. When I was looking for newspaper jobs out of grad school, I sent my resume to literally everywhere, including The Keene Sentinel. A Sentinel reporter picked me up at the airport for my interview with the prestigious bastion of journalism and her car was cluttered with yellowing newspapers and old Dunkin’ Donuts styrofoam cups.

Sure, it was nothing fancy but I felt like the interview went well. Who better to cover the happenings in Cheshire County than an outsider with very limited interest in the region?

I didn’t get the job. So, you know, screw you, New Hampshire. Which is exactly what Ron DeSantis will be saying.