In the Church of the Poison Mind
Christian nationalism & climbing the seven mountains.
Sometimes I just can’t get enough of Christian nationalism and its sworn mission of eliminating that bogus separation of church and state. Growing up Catholic, there was no talk of “church” and “state.” There was only talk about the thin, thin line between purgatory and hell.
We all knew who was going to purgatory. Public school kids. And we all knew how many rosaries we needed to pray for them. One thousand. A week.
I have a confession to make. I never prayed any rosaries for those purgatory-bound schmucks. Not one Hail Mary. I was too busy praying for my flute to spontaneously explode, saving me from playing “Hail to the Redskins” at every school concert.
But I digress. Last week we examined the religious views of the new speaker, and by “we,” I mean “me.” I kind of like to pretend I run a newsroom out of my house so I can put my MSJ to good use. Unfortunately my only reporter is my pug mix, and he plagiarizes.
Back to church and state or, as some would have it, churchstate©. We already know that Mike Johnson is a real Christian’s Christian. Turns out that one of his greatest heroes is Texas political activist and evangelical powerhouse David Barton. According to the Texas Tribune, Johnson has credited Barton with having a profound influence on his work, his life, and everything he does. Kind of like Jesus, but better.
In an interview with Fox News, however, when asked about Christian nationalism, Johnson responded that he’s “not even sure what the term means.”
He’s not sure what it MEANS? Are you KIDDING me? Your hero is the embodiment of Christian nationalism! What did you think he was? A moderate Lutheran?
Barton is the founder of WallBuilders, an organization that works tirelessly to bring Christianity back into our government, our education system and our families. Wallbuilders. The name just sounds welcoming.
Barton is a North Texan by birth. He received his degree in religious education from Oral Roberts University and has been gainfully employed as a teacher, principal, basketball coach, and healer of lepers. The Trib calls him the most influential Christian Nationalist today, meaning he doesn’t believe in the First Amendment, which, let’s be honest, is about as bogus as the New Testament.
He calls himself an “amateur historian” because he literally makes things up. That’s fair. As long as he’s couching it as “amateur.” For example, I’m an “amateur surgeon.”
Barton and his minions believe in the so-called Seven Mountains Mandate, which is a nationalist theology dictating that Christians have a divine mandate to conduct a hostile takeover of the seven major aspects of society. Ready? Family, religion, education, media, entertainment, business, and government. They’re forgetting one. Wine country.
Once they achieve this lofty goal, they will receive winner t-shirts reading, “Seven Mountains Mandate: I’m Going to Heaven, You’re Going to Hell.” Available on Etsy.
(The Seven Mountains is completely separate from the Seventh Sign, in which Demi Moore carried Rosemary’s Baby.)
Now you’re probably wondering how you can support WallBuilders in any way possible. You can buy a Founders’ Bible! They actually rewrote the Bible!
The man speaking in this poor man’s infomercial is Tim Barton, president of WallBuilders, not to be confused with David Barton, dad of Tim Barton.
Nepotism.
"The seven major aspects of society. Ready? Family, religion, education, media, entertainment, business, and government."
Media, too???? How sweet!
My last pooch was a Doberman-great Dane mix. I didn’t know Cochise to be an intellectual thief. But I did suspect he would give information about the clothes he was wearing to the cute TV reporters.