If This Walz Could Talk
Family, the Walz's [sic] & brothers up in arms.
I think we can all relate to family drama. For example, when I first met my Salvadoran mother-in-law, she only spoke in Spanish because she knew I couldn’t speak Spanish. I tried to pick up a word or two so I could catch her berating me and then I’d be all, HA I KNOW WHAT ESTUPIDA MEANS. (For some reason one of the first phrases I learned was, “Soy tu nueva abogada.” I’m not a lawyer.)
But Tim Walz’s older brother Jeff has taken family drama to a whole new level by posting on Facebook that he’s 100% opposed to his brother’s ideology along with an ominous warning: Tim is “not the type of character you want making decisions about your future.”
Well, he’s an estranged brother with an obvious axe to grind. Why would he lie?
And Jeff’s not the only Walz Trumper. Consider Grandma Moses and her progeny.
First of all, they misspelled their last name. The plural of Walz is Walzes. There is no possessive. I know this because I can recite the AP Stylebook by heart. You might consider that sad. I consider it a fun hobby.
What’s most interesting about this pro-Trump family portrait that’s blowing up on social is that these are distant cousins of the governor, not his actual family. Apparently they’re descendants of Francis Walz, the brother of Tim Walz’s grandfather. Seriously? I’m more related to Tim than they are.
I couldn’t name one of my distant cousins if I tried. But I can only imagine they all live in Ireland and spend the majority of their time in the pubs under faded “County Cork Smith’s for Sinn Féin” banners.
Tim Walz’s sister said she didn’t recognize any of the people in the photo. She did tell the AP, however, that she suspected it might be people from “that branch of the family.” You know, like that branch. The Nebraska branch.
Now Jeff Walz, who lives in Florida because where else would he live, is saying he spoke out of turn and doesn’t want to get involved but OMG TOO LATE. You should never take private matters public. I make sure to talk about family members behind their backs and then vehemently deny it when confronted.
Especially that branch in Omaha.