Home Work
The remoters & the not-so-great Austin migration.
As someone who’s been a contractor for quite some time, I’m used to working from home. At times I’ve been able to sneak into the office and slip into an empty workstation until someone catches me and asks me to leave, but not before emptying my laptop bag of company snacks. FINE. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR GARDETTO’S.
Some people call working from home “remote working,” but come on. The best you can frame that is by saying, “I work from my neighborhood coffeehouse because my house has become my prison and I, its sole inmate.”
Now, if you’ve noticed that the perpetually wobbly tables (the ones with several sugar packets wedged underneath) at coffee shops across Austin have become increasingly occupied, you’re absolutely right. Turns out everyone really is moving here. And by “everyone,” I mean, “the remoters.”
According to the NYT, since the pandemic, remote workers have been fleeing their homes in New York, San Francisco, Washington and Los Angeles and moving to other cities. What other cities, you ask? Austin, Denver, Dallas, Nashville and Belarus. First, I have no idea how this study was conducted. Do you know how many people lie about working from home? It’s like “independent consultant,” which basically means, “I don’t work.”
And they’re relocating to Austin? It is 112 degrees here at 7AM. I’ve seen neighbors collapse on their cement driveways, just walking out to their cars. I would run out there to help but it’s, like, really, really hot. So I just mouth “I’m sorry” through my kitchen window before shutting the blinds.
Apparently for every 10 workers who moved to Austin over the past couple of years, three were remote workers. And for those three workers, at least one of them’s a major league asshole. You’ll be able to recognize them with the “Keep Austin Weird” bumper stickers on their Teslas.
Working from home isn’t for everyone. It’s easy to get distracted. It’s easy to start talking to your dog. Before you know it, you’re tagging the little legs of your backyard cardinals with multicolor rubber bands so you can track them. (Where do they go? What do they do all day?)
Finally you’ll find yourself spacing out from like 2PM-4PM and then it’s happy hour and “friends” are all, it’s too early for happy hour, and I’m like, maybe in your world but I work from home.
And I make the rules.
OMG, I can't believe you mentioned cardinals, I have been watching a bird drama involving cardinals all day. I discovered there's a nest in the Sego Palm that I was sure was done for after the icepocalypse in February, but no sooner had its leaves returned than I noticed there were two cardinals hanging around in it. Then I see these little bird mouths opening and closing, and yes, there are two babies! They both have feathers and I wondered when they would be ready to fly off into the world. Now, by golly, one of them has left the next and is sitting out on a palm leaf. But I do not see the other baby. I hope they are just following the natural order, but jeez, it's so hot out there. Mom and Dad Cardinal have been keeping a close eye from a nearby scrub and some patio furniture. I'm so worried the baby will try to fly and end up falling on the ground.. How am I supposed to concentrate on work when there's a matter of life and death happening right outside my window?