In case you haven’t been paying attention to the Trump criminal trial this week and, really, why would you, porn star Stormy Daniels has been on the stand testifying about her encounter with Trump.
Incidentally, can we please stop referring to her as a “porn star”? She has a name. It’s Stormy.
In case you wanted to see what Stormy looks like, this sketch looks nothing like her. Who is that supposed to be? Liz Cheney? Linda Tripp? Sarah Paulson as Linda Tripp? Me on a good hair day?
According to the NYT, their meeting at a 2006 celebrity golf tournament is one that could “shape American history.” Are you serious? This is not the worst thing that Trump has ever done, although it’s certainly the most entertaining. I’d say that January 6 would shape American history over a tryst with an adult film star but here we are.
When Trump met Stormy, he was 60 (years young!) and she was 27. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But he did mention to her that she was the same age as his daughter. That’s not weird at all.
One of my favorite parts of Stormy’s overly descriptive sex scene, of which there are several, was that Trump answered his hotel room door wearing silk pajamas.
What’s gross? Silk pajamas.
What’s grosser than gross? Finding Donald Trump in them.
Who wears silk pajamas? Rephrase. What kind of man wears silk pajamas? You know what I sleep in? Old Navy pajama pants and Life is Good t-shirts.
Lest we forget, this case is not about silk pajamas. It’s about the hush money that Michael Cohen allegedly paid Stormy and the business records that Trump allegedly falsified to cover it up. Can we finally stop calling Cohen the “fixer?” Because obviously this is one shit show he didn’t fix.
Apparently Stormy went into so much detail about their one night stand that even the judge said it was “gratuitously vulgar” and the defense asked for a mistrial. Prudes. If I were on that jury I’d say that I needed all the information to settle on a verdict. Proceed.
I’d hardly call the story “vulgar.” It simply involved her spanking the ex-president with a magazine and having sex in the missionary position for the “brief” encounter. That’s not vulgar. That’s hilarious.
Stormy added that Trump’s nickname for her was “honey bunch.” I’m surprised it wasn’t “Ivanka.”
Withdrawn.
Withdrawn. Giggle.
PROCEED.