Full Frontal Assault
Greg Abbott, background checks, lethal weapons and...Chicago.
You know how sometimes you see a headline that makes you say OH MY GOD HOW IS THIS HAPPENING? Welcome to one of those headlines.
“Abbott says raising the age to buy an assault-style rifle is unconstitutional“
A little background on our fair governor. Abbott isn’t just your average asshole. He’s an evil asshole. Satan’s like, man, that dude is one evil asshole. (Yes, Satan says dude. He’s actually not that bad of a guy.) Now, I’m not one to throw around profanities lightly. I mean, I’m not Beto. But I just can’t think of a more apt description of Abbott that doesn’t include a swear word.
Abbott is well aware that the gunman in Uvalde used two legally purchased AR-15-style rifles just days after he turned 18. Yet he continues to defend his position that there’s nothing wrong with an 18-year-old buying these weapons. He refuses to support raising the minimum age from 18 to 21 because it’s FAR TOO RADICAL.
At a campaign rally (yes, he still has supporters), Abbott said that the gun control measures being sought in Uvalde have already been ruled unconsitutional. So there you go. At least his logic is sound. For example, earlier this year he made the argument that “there are more people who are shot every weekend in Chicago than there are in schools in Texas.” Blink. What? “If you’re looking for a real solution, Chicago teaches that what you’re talking about is not a real solution.”
OK, wait a minute, wait a minute. I lived in Chicago. I earned my degree in journalism there. YES I DID. Why the hate, Greg? Have you never been to Chicago on St. Patrick’s day where they dye the river green? GREEN, Greg. And how is his Chicago analogy even valid? “People are shot in Chicago sometimes so let’s make sure teenagers here in Texas have access to military-style weapons.”
(Incidentally Abbott just bused a bunch of migrants to the Windy City. That’s straight out of the “How to Be a Dick” manual. I’ve got a signed copy.)
Abbott has also historically been against universal background checks because two days is just too long to wait for a lethal weapon. Personally I need a gun ASAP to shoot the squirrels invading our bird feeder. What am I supposed to do in the next 48 hours? Continue to threaten them with my daughter’s foam nunchucks? Because that just makes the foul-mouthed little rodents laugh harder.