When my daughter was born, we got the usual baby presents. Six-packs of onesies saying I Love Mommy Best! or I Love Daddy Best!, making it a lifelong competition; the complete set of Susan Boynton board books; diaper genies to keep smelly diapers for posterity; and at least 29 burp cloths imprinted with the baby’s name.
One friend, however, gave her/me presidential building blocks. They were beautiful and apparently quite tasty given that she would gnaw on them while I was trying to memorize the presidents in chronological order. The final block at the time was Barack Obama. The 44th president.
We all know what happened after 44. There was 45, then 46 and now it’s anyone’s guess. I can say with the utmost certainty that the next president, no matter who he is, will be number 47. Not that math was ever my strong suit. I learned geometry from my high school football coach who compared everything to a football field.
But Trump supporters (bless their hearts) believe he’s already the 47th president and that, if we’re being honest, there never really was a 46th.
He uses the number 47 whenever possible, like on his website with a donor button to give $47 to his campaign. You have to admire his bravado. It’s like when I campaigned to be captain of the cheerleading squad and was all, Surprise, dummies! I’m already captain! The position has been filled!
Dude. You haven’t been the 45th president hyphen 47th. Asterisk, maybe. The Yuan or some other currency symbol, perhaps. But a hyphen? It’s like you’re em—dashing the current president. HE IS NOT AN EM DASH.
Both 45 and 46 are gearing up for next week’s debate and the 12 people who will be watching. If I were coaching Biden, I’d tell him to open with a math joke to take on all this malarkey like, Why was 46 afraid of 47? Because 7 ate 9. OK, maybe that’s a little lost in translation but still, sick burn. Do the math.
Both Biden and Trump will be trying to convince the 11 people watching (yes, it was 12 but one already left) that the other man is unfit for office, a threat to democracy, a convicted felon, old and senile, and just awful.
I hope to God that the Biden campaign put in a prescription refill for whatever super jacked-up pill they gave him before the State of the Union address. I also pray that Walgreens doesn’t give them that prior authorization nonsense and you’re like, seriously? I’ve been coming to this pharmacy for over 20 years. I PAY YOUR SALARY.
Meanwhile Biden continues to lose support among women because women are stupid and are more concerned about “inflation” than “anything else.” Like your basic human rights, reproductive freedom, gun control, equal pay and happy hour specials. Plus it’s all about the peanut butter. Women are the worst.
According to the NYT, Biden’s lead among women from 2020 has dropped from 13% to 3%. According to my calculations, that means that 10% of women have decided that voting for a felon is completely acceptable.
Clearly they have daddy issues.