Face Facts

On fact checking, social media, half truths & Greenland.

Earlier this week, I decided, bravely, to attack the brutal cold by layering up, including wearing my SKI PANTS and SKI BOOTS to go work at a coffee shop. After an hour, I started sweating profusely but there was little I could do without removing my ski pants and walking around in my long underwear.

And now I find out I have a big job ahead of me. Social media fact checker. Challenge accepted.

On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg announced that Meta is ending its independent and totally worthwhile fact-checking program. Which is a real issue if you get your news and opinions from Facebook. It is not an issue for those of us with working brains.

I liked him better in “The Social Network.”

I’ve employed my own stealth Facebook fact-checking program for years, especially after my friends post what I consider questionable updates and clearly doctored photos. I typically report my findings in the comments for maximum humiliation. Like, You look great! I guess those fillers are working out for you! Or, Congratulations on your youngest getting into college! Thank God he’s no longer a part of that cult! (prayer hands)

I have about eight Facebook friends left.

Personally I don’t see how getting rid of fact checkers is a big deal, despite the fact that it’s also lifting restrictions about what users can post, paving the way for more fake news, hate speech, hairless cat photos and online brawls. Hey, man. That’s what we’re here for.

Remember those offensive posts they used to flag for inaccurate information? Those were the ones everyone wanted to read! So they could get all angry and start sparring in the comments section with that old classmate from 7th grade who you haven’t heard from in decades.

Let’s face it. We are STARVED for entertainment. Take that away and all we have left to do in our spare time is spend quality time with our families. Snore.

Zuckerberg also said that some of the fact checkers were clearly biased and had started to over-censor users. You know, like your favorite QAnon relative.

Instead, Facebook will be using a community notes section where users can flag things they believe are untrue or, at the very least, extremely poorly written. (I am dying to give a tutorial on the use of it’s/its in a sentence.)

Clearly Zuckerberg expects us sad sacks to sift through fact and fiction while he hangs with Trump at Mar-a-Lago, who once said that Zuckerberg should spend the rest of his life in prison. Just goes to show that everyone can be bought. Did you not see “Indecent Proposal”?

Well, maybe every person can be bought. But can every country be bought? For example, Trump wants to buy the Danish territory of Greenland and then put three green houses on it while he saves up for a hotel. Sounds like a job for some serious fact checking. Luckily, I’m on it.

1. I’ve never been to “Greenland” so I’m not sure it exists.

2. Its national anthem is “Nunarput, Utoqqarsuanngoravit,” which is Greenlandian for, “We’re Not a Real Country.”

3. Apparently Trump has not ruled out military force to taking Greenland and its two lilliputian inhabitants.

4. Greenland has also not ruled out military force and is readying the catapults.

If you believe that, I have a Gulf of Mexico to sell you. And a 51st state.