Extreme Constitutional Makeover

Donald Trump, the bill of wrongs & those questionable "founders."

When I was growing up in Catholic school, we didn’t have much time to learn anything about the Constitution since we spent the majority of our days reading the Bible, praying for wayward public school students, and practicing year-round for our annual Christmas pageant. Once I was cast as the “narrator” and you might not be aware of the “narrator” who was at the birth of Jesus but it’s there, standing between the Magi and the farm animals. Needless to say I always wanted to be Mary but the nuns assured me that there are more important things than being the prettiest girl in the room.

Luckily it turns out that I don’t need to know anything about the Constitution because soon it will be relegated to an undisclosed location in D.C. next to the Ark of the Covenant, never to be seen again. Maybe that’s for the best. It’s not like the Constitution has exactly been a bestseller lately, mostly because it hasn’t made Jenna Bush’s book club list yet. (Instead check out Malibu Rising!) But if you do care about the supreme law of the United States, you should know that our former president wants to get rid of it, according to his weekend post on Truth Social. (Truth Social used to be the extreme version of Twitter. Now Twitter is the extreme version of Truth Social.)

“…termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.” First, there is no way that Trump has ever read the Constitution. Second, why did he put “Founders” in quotes? Does he not believe there were “Founders”? Does he think these so-called “Founders” are part of the conspiracy against him? Because as far as I know, and I’m no constitutional scholar, this living document was created in 1787, meaning they’re all probably dead by now. Except, of course, Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Now before Trumpers applaud their leader’s latest assault on American freedom, they should know that doing away with the Constitution means doing away with the right to bear arms. That is one sick burn.

According to Heather Cox Richardson, just one week ago, neutered minority leader Kevin McCarthy announced: “On the very first day of the new Republican-led Congress, we will read every single word of the Constitution aloud from the floor of the House—something that hasn’t been done in years.” So you can imagine how outraged McCarthy was at Trump’s seditious comments. Oh I’m just kidding.

One of the few Republicans who publicly criticized Trump’s call for torching the Constitution was Mike Pence himself. Which once again proves that if you call for a public hanging of your vice president, he’s not going to be your biggest fan. Some people are so touchy.

Living outside D.C. as a child gave me countless opportunities to explore the rich history of these United States. Especially in high school, where one of our favorite things to do was hang around the memorials while pretending to drink fuzzy navel wine coolers to impress the boys who paid zero attention to us. However I did end up visiting the National Archives during my older and wiser years and seeing the actual Constitution was quite meaningful. In fact I almost bought a pocket-sized one but didn’t want to look like a TOTAL NERD.

I may revisit that.