Enter the Ham Sandwich
On indictments, ex-presidents & parties that suck.
The most riveting footage from yesterday’s media coverage was, hands down, watching Trump’s plane sitting on the tarmac. You knew this was a big deal because the ticker at the bottom said BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP PLANE SITTING ON THE TARMAC.
Yes, the indicted ex-president appeared in court Tuesday in New York where he was arraigned on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records, including paying hush money to a porn star. Incidentally, can we stop calling her a “porn star”? She has a name. It’s Stormy.
He was also charged with paying off a Playboy model as well as a doorman but details are murky as to whether he actually sexually harassed the doorman. (“Good evening, Mr. Trump.” “Nice ass.”)
Unfortunately there were no handcuffs or mug shots or full body cavity searches; just fingerprinting. But as Politico notes, other politicians haven’t been so lucky.
As the news unfolded, however, it was extremely hard for me to follow since I happened to be in a meeting. Every time it looked like things were wrapping up, I’d start shutting down my laptop, throw a couple free Nature’s Valley granola bars into my bag and say, We good? Then someone would hand off the sharpie to someone else and I’d be stuck for another 30 minutes in team building purgatory.
Anyway, it’s not like we didn’t know Trump was a perv (French for pervert). Who could forget that “Access Hollywood” tape that recorded him in full-on sexual predator mode during the 2016 election? He explained it away as “locker room talk.” Ah, yes. That playful banter between post-squash towel-clad men about sports teams, how much beer they can drink, and assaulting women without getting caught.
Oh well! Everyone knows that 59-year-old boys will be 59-year-old boys!
To be fair, women have also been known to engage in bawdy locker room talk on occasion, whether they’re chatting in the sauna about their (cheating) honor students, (also cheating) ex-husbands, or how to grab unsuspecting men on the treadmills without getting caught.
Back in Mar-a-lago, the ex-president held a “post-arraignment” party, which is almost as lame as those toddler birthday parties where the only beverages in the cooler are juice boxes so WORST PARTY EVER.
Just a note to Republicans. If there was ever a time to finally cut ties with Donald Trump, this is probably it. He’s been indicted and is facing criminal charges. What are you waiting for?
Seize the day, boys. Make your life mediocre. And tip the doorman on your way out.