Code Red

It's the white women and the young guys and the sexists and the racists, stupid.

It’s hard to believe that on Tuesday I was walking my dog while pretending to clean up his poop from my neighbor’s yard, trying to make myself feel better on the off chance that Trump were to actually win. This country has seen worse, I reasoned, before realizing that I was talking out loud. I have finally become that woman who walks around in a raggedy Hillary 2016 t-shirt mumbling to herself until a kindly stranger calls 311.

I mean, the country has seen worse, right? Although it does feel pathetic to say, Come on! At least Trump’s win over Kamala isn’t as bad as two world wars, am I right!

Yesterday morning I tried to kick down our Kamala yard sign in a fit of reverse rage but then ended up pulling it out and laying it down gently on our driveway. Then I ran over it with my electric car (NOT A TESLA), which did absolutely nothing except continue to fight climate change.

I would say this is like 2016 all over again but at least in 2016 Hillary got the popular vote. And to this day, I’m not entirely sure that she really lost the electoral college because I refused to watch her concession speech. On principle. I did the same with Kamala’s. On principle. If I don’t see something with my own eyes, then it’s not real. See? Life can be easy!

It’s like when I would close my eyes as a child and assume that the world had disappeared since I couldn’t see it. (Don’t try it. It doesn’t work.) Then again I wasn’t the smartest kid on the block. I also thought that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls. Genius.

Incidentally, does anyone think that Joe Biden could’ve won? I’m semi-serious here. Because clearly we’re still not ready for a woman president. And by “we,” I mean, “all the emasculated young white boy morons who idolize Joe Rogan.”

Pull down that shirt, lady. This isn’t a brothel.

So let’s break down the electorate, such as it is.

Harris got:

• 53% women

• 42% men

• 41% white

• 37% white men

• 45% white women

• 86% Black

• 77% Black men

• 91% Black women

• 53% Latino/Hispanic (Biden got 65% in 2020)

• 43% Latino men

• 60% Latina women

Trump:

• 100% assholes

Let’s face it. These numbers are pitiful. Especially the 45% white women number (which I italicized for your convenience). That means, if my calculations are correct, 55% of women still went for Trump. JUST LIKE THEIR HUSBANDS TOLD THEM TO.

(I tried to explain the gravity of the situation to my 10-year-old daughter but she was distracted by the fact that she was no longer allowed to bring fidgets into the classroom.)

Listen. I’m as depressed as everybody else is, assuming everybody else is really, really depressed. I’m also really, really sick of all this post-election commentary blaming Democrats for being elitist and not understanding or caring about the struggles and frustrations of the working class. (Which, OK, we should all try to understand each other a little better. Preferably in a Hunger Games type environment.)

I don’t CARE if you didn’t go to college or if you live in a rural community or if your mother didn’t love you enough. That is simply no excuse for casting your vote for a sexist, racist, vulgar criminal who will gleefully strip away our civil rights, launch a mass deportation of immigrants, befriend even more dictators, and place all of his enemies, starting with the Cheneys, in front of a firing squad of Proud Boys. All while posing as a Christian by holding a Bible upside down.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICA.

However, as hard as it is to believe, our country has been through worse. Like the Civil War and Vietnam. Or the Great Depression and “Cinderella Man.” But we can’t give up now. I mean, we could, but then we’d be living in blissful denial. And who wants that, aside from probably all of us.