A Penny for Your Thoughts?
On drinking straws, the Kennedy Center and the courts.
Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sure you knocked it out of the park. Heart emoji.—ed. note
Most of my mornings start exactly the same way. I wake up and instantly write down everything I can remember from my dream the night before, which typically goes something like this: I’m back in high school but I’m the age I am now and our mailman is the principal and I’m failing Algebra II and all my teeth are falling out.
Then I make coffee, do the crossword puzzle (but only on Mondays and Tuesdays so I don’t feel stupid), browse the news alerts on my phone (but only on Mondays and Tuesdays so I don’t feel stupid) and think to myself, this can’t really be happening.
But despite my complete and utter loathing for Trump, sometimes I find myself agreeing with him, like on pennies and straws. Full stop.
The president has ordered the Treasury (yeah, that’s still around) to stop producing new pennies. I couldn’t agree more. Before I started angrily throwing pennies out my car window, my wallet looked like George Costanza’s.
I mean, has there ever been such a worthless piece of currency, outside of the half-penny (or hay penny during the holidays)? Scratch that. I just conducted a thorough Bing search and turns out that today’s value of a half cent, if it’s a vintage 1811 Mickley Restrike, can be worth up to $32,500. But you already knew that.
Trump is also banning paper straws across the federal government (which now consists of two part-time employees and Elon Musk’s toddler) so we can go, in all caps, “BACK TO PLASTIC.”
Yes, I know we’re supposed to do away with single-use plastic, and plastic overall, but have you ever tried sucking down an I Dream of Greenie cold-pressed juice with a paper straw? You might as well try sipping through a damp, rolled up newspaper. That you found on the ground. Next to that penny.
But when Trump proclaimed himself president of the Kennedy Center after firing the board, he crossed the line. He doesn’t even enjoy the theater. He explained the move saying the center had become “too woke.”
I wanted to check out which despicable burlesque shows disguising themselves as family entertainment are currently playing there but found only an error page:
What is this so-called temporary waiting room I have to share with 62 other users? Who’s hosting this website, Geocities?
No matter how bad things get (and they’ll get badder), at least we still have the federal courts, which have been working overtime with no OT pay since Trump was inaugurated. They’re our only hope to protect democracy and preserve the Constitution.
Not that I’m an expert on the courts. I’m no lawyer, although one of the first and only phrases I learned in Spanish before traveling to Central America was, Yo soy el nueva abogada, which led to some confusion on more than one occasion. Mis disculpas.
Federal courts are traditionally the strongest check on presidential power and since Congress has rolled over and died, it’s up to them. Although JD Vance did say that “judges aren’t allowed to control the executive’s legitimate power.”
Actually, as far as I know, they do have the power to rule on the legality and constitutionality of all executive actions. (Back off. I grew up on Schoolhouse Rock singing my heart out.)
Somebody has got to something very soon....it's getting out of control!!
How many turtles 🐢 have you selfishly killed with your plastic straws, missy. Talk about entitlement! I know your type—grew up in a WUP (white upper class) suburb of DC, toney schools, blonde…the whole privileged enchilada. Killing turtles with straws is sport for you. Turtle killer!